Judging by the covers

I judge books by their covers, literally. I’m not trying to be philosophical here or anything. I mean I really judge real books by their covers.

This takes awhile. (Just ask the librarian. It’s only a matter of time before she accuses me of loitering.)

However, just FYI nosy librarian, I am most definitely not loitering. I have a system. A very elaborate, perfected after years of library perusing, system. By elaborate I mean I start looking for books in  the beginning of the A section and then look at almost every book in between until I get to the end of the Z section. (To clarify I did not say it was a creative system).

Libraries,well they kind of have a lot of books, since that’s what they’re going for and everything. Because there are so many books a thorough weeding-out system had to be developed as I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to check out every book in library.

Some books need to be disregarded right off the bat, this is where my fickle judging system comes into play. This is when superficial factors reign supreme.

A book’s first impression is everything with me and as such, any book featuring an animated cat or dog on the cover and seems to scream “No, I don’t go on dates and yes I love my cats!” is completely ignored right away after it has received an eye roll. Likewise any book with high heels on the cover is immediately disregarded. No I don’t want to read about single twentysomethings clubbing in New York City  in their fancy shoes. My sneaker-wearing, Midwest living self doesn’t need to feel outdone by fictional characters.

Also eliminated are book titles with the word science in them. I don’t like science mixing with my fiction.

From here, mystery, crime and horror novels are not only disregarded but are thoroughly avoided. I do not need another cover of a Stephen King book to give me a nightmare. No, thank you.

What’s left is everything in between. Everything not to0 girlie, not to0 scary and not so sciencey it will make me feel dumb. This surprisingly leaves one with a lot of options. Far too many options for someone who is so thoroughly indecisive.

So from here, books that made the cover cut, are allowed two sentences to prove their worth. Two sentences, that’s it. Just the first two sentences on the first page. If I’m not swayed from there, it’s back to the shelf with you mister.

Now, I’m not going to make elaborate assumptions about what my book-finding system says about my general outlook on judging everything, people included. But I will say that it’s probably a good thing I didn’t date much. I’m not sure most dates could impress given only a two-sentence introduction. Unless the rest of the world works with a speed-dating like system, I’d probably be screwed.

Anyway, at least I’d have some good books to read in the other 23 hours and 58 minutes of the day I wouldn’t be dating.