There’s a Bright Side Behind That Pile of Crap

So…I have a lot of complaints.

About my job. About my pay. About how I’m pretty sure my desk chair is permanently and forcefully re-aligning my spine so I’m better adapted to hunch over a computer screen all day but less equipped for every other aspect of life. About mornings. About Mondays. About, well, pretty much everything.

But at the end of the day my complaints are dumb.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all complaints are dumb. I’m actually a huge proponent of complaining because frequently complaints are nothing more than statements of fact. For example, when I complain I’m cold, I actually am cold. The temperature of the room I’m in at the time is below the desired temperature for my body to achieve maximum comfort.

This. Is. A. Fact.

Now I could say I’m cold every time I’m cold(which is pretty much all time because my ideal room temperature is roughly 80 degrees). But at some point it’s probably best for me to just shut the heck up and put on a sweater.

It’s the same with my complaining. I can complain every time my recent case of adulthood rears its ugly head. Or, since this adulthood thing seems incurable, I can just man up and deal with it.

So today, I’m dealing with it by thinking about things that (unlike my job or rooms  below 80 degrees) do not suck. I even made a list of these un-sucky things in case you need a reminder too ( and also because I’m pretty sure Oprah recommended this once and I’m not going against Oprah).

In any event, without further ado:

25 THINGS THAT DO NOT SUCK:

1. Peanut butter M&Ms.

2. Anything written by Nora Ephron (except Bewitched with Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman–I don’t know what she was thinking there).

3. Seasons 1-3 of The Office.Even, I, the recipient of an Office-themed marriage proposal, am not giving that show love past season 3. Yes, let’s put the two main characters together. The two characters whose “Will they? Won’t they?” tension is the driving dramatic force behind the show, let’s have them get married, have kids and get less attractive. People will love that. (That was sarcasm. If you did not understand that, it was because it was written poorly, much like the recent seasons of The Office).

4. Sheets straight out of the dryer.

5. Hall and Oates Greatest Hits. (They’re much like nachos in that they’re cheesy and you’ll feel a bit guilty and disgusted in yourself for liking them but nonetheless, totally worth it).

6. Skee-ball.

7. J.K. Rowling’s imagination and the books, movie franchise, theme park and most especially the butter beer that sprang from it.

8. The weather. Right now. (When you’re reading this it’s probably already turned gross again. Sorry about that).

9. Having grandmas who are cool enough to text you or comment on your Facebook wall. (My grandmas are > than your grandmas). Fact.

10. Talking nonsense with friends at the time of night when it’s really more prudent to be sleeping.

11. Having friends who can cook and like to share.

12. The wit and wisdom of Dr. Seuss.

13. Cupcakes (seriously, I dare you to be in a bad mood while eating a cupcake).

14. Pandora Radio, without which I would be unwilling or unable to endure an 8-hour workday.

15. Yoga workouts on DVD so no one is forced to endure the awkward sight of me attempting downward facing dog pose.

16. Coffee.

17. 5 p.m. Friday until 8 a.m. Monday

18. Sea lions.

19. Nintendo 64’s Super Smash Brothers and Mario Kart. (Note that I specified N-64. Do not tell me these games are better on Game Cube or Wii. Just don’t.)

20. Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy and Rose (I will not explain this further. If you know, you know, if you don’t, you should).

21. Brunch: the meal designed for people like myself whose ideal wake-up time is in that awkward, it’s too late for breakfast, it’s too early for lunch range.

22. Anything Donald Glover does. Ever.

23. My favorite people.

24. Beer.

25. You, if you read this entire rambling list.

Heck, if anyone made it this far, I can’t complain. (Well, I could complain just because I’m naturally awesome at it, but today, for the sake of this bright side business, I’ll restrain myself).

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