I would be a totally awesome hermit. I really think I’d be good at it. I think I have unique skills and personality traits that could really liven up the whole hermit game. I could jazz things up a bit.
For one thing, I say things like “totally awesome” and “jazz things up” which is not the type of lingo people normally associate with hermits.
Hermits generally get a bad rap for being boring, standoffish jerks so they aren’t known for using annoyingly optimistic adjectives and exhibiting pointless perkiness. I could bring that to the table.
I get that hermits are all about solitude — I’m also all over that. It’s just, I probably wouldn’t be quiet about it. Left to my own devices and all by my lonesome, I’d probably talk even more, just, you know, to myself. Heck, with no one around to judge me for it, I’d talk to myself all the dang time. It’d be great. I like talking to myself. We agree on everything.
See, that last bit sounds crazy if you are anyone but me, which is why I’d be such a great hermit. I wouldn’t have to care what you think about anything, because, yeah, you wouldn’t be around. No one would be around.
It’s not like I hate being around you or anything. You, you personally, you’re super. You’re fantastic. You’re my favorite. It’s just well, everyone else.
As a whole, the human race can get incredibly irritating sometimes. There are just so damn many of us and we’re all so damn, well, human — which means we’re always rushing around being intentionally or unintentionally annoying to almost everyone else. It’s not like we usually mean to do this, it just kind of happens. It’s sort of like how I never intend to get really, really irrationally cranky when I’m hungry. It just happens because I’m inherently kind of a jerk.
We’re all kind of jerks sometimes which is why I think the world would be a slightly kinder, happier place if I was allowed to take leave of all of us for a little bit — to play hermit for awhile. Just for a little while.
I have such a kinder, more generous opinion of the human race when I’m not forced to actually be around it all the damn time.
Just collectively, people make me tired.
It all makes me want to take a nap, so, so many naps. And since I can’t take as much hermit-style me time as I’d like because I have to work to pay rent and all that jazz, I’ll just have to settle for these naps, these sweet, sweet, beautiful naps.
Naps never let me down. They’re totally awesome.