5 Silly, Little, Insignificant Things I Hate Way More Than I Should

Okay, before I start complaining about silly, little, insignificant things, let me just say that my life is generally pretty awesome. I’m a big fan of it for the most part.

I’m not saying this to brag, though I do think there is a very fine line between being vocally grateful and being just plain braggy. I just wanted to make it clear that I’m grateful for all my family; friends; food; shelter and clean, safe drinking water (and also my dog, because my dog is the best). I just had to make that clear before I started complaining and sounding like a real ungrateful git.

I like and appreciate most aspects of my life. I really, truly do. My life is pretty solid. I’ve got no complaints–well, except for these complaints which even I have to admit are pretty lame.

Here are Five Silly, Little, Insignificant Things I Hate Way More Than I Should

  1. Strangers who tell me to “smile”. I know I’ve said this before but I just hate it so much I’m saying it again. I hate it when people who don’t know me tell me what to do with my facial muscles. I don’t know you. Leave my facial muscles alone. You are not the boss of them. Besides, for all you know, I could be thinking about some great tragedy or maybe I’m just having a generally bad day, either way, having a complete stranger boss me around is not going to improve matters. If you actually want to make people smile and don’t just want to be a Bossy Butt, just smile yourself. It works better.
  2. Shaking hands. Full disclosure-I have the weirdest hands. No matter what the temperature, no matter what my temperament, my hands are always clammy. It’s freakish, and well sorta gross. (I’m sorry if that was TMI but you’re reading a blog, blog’s are basically TMI Land. Blogs are where Too Much Information lives, works and plays. If you don’t want to hear totally useless information you didn’t need to know, please stop reading these things. This is going to keep happening.) Anyway, back to my point, I hate having to proffer my weird hands to strangers when I meet them. I don’t want someone’s first impression of me to be based entirely on my clammy hands. I swear I’m a perfectly normal-ish person otherwise, but if you shook my hand you’d never know that. You’d think I was a big, ole, clammy weirdo. So with that in mind, let’s just make a deal right now, let’s never shake hands. Okay, it’s decided, it’s a deal. Let’s not shake on it.
  3. Unnecessary corrections. There are times in  your life when it is absolutely necessary to correct people when they misspeak or mispronounce a word. However, it is rarely that time, so for the most part, you can just let minor mess-ups pass without comment. People will appreciate it and you will be able to commend yourself for not only knowing the correct way to say something, but also for being kind enough not to rub that in someone’s face. This allows you to be awesome twice, which is way cooler.
  4. Drivers who turn into the far lane. Don’t do this. Turn into the nearest lane, then use your turn signal to merge over to another lane like a normal person who doesn’t suck.
  5. People who chew with their mouths open. It’s actually easier and more effective to chew with your mouth closed. I promise. It keeps all the food in your mouth and also, it keeps me from screaming at you to chew with your mouth closed. See, it makes the world better for the both of us.

So there were five silly, little, insignificant things I hate way more than I should because my life is so awesome I have time to be annoyed by things that are this incredibly stupid. (See, what I did there was kind of braggy. Gah, I’m such a jerk.)

Anyway, to end on a not jerky note, let me just say that I hope your life is so great that you have time to be annoyed by incredibly stupid stuff too.

It’s a pretty sweet life.