The Thing Is, I Thought I’d Be Smarter By Now and Other Thoughts on Growing Old-ish

I can’t tell if my dryer is broken and is systematically and mercilessly shrinking all my clothes or if I’m just getting a little bit fatter every single day.

This is adulthood in a nutshell — you’re probably getting fatter and now you’re in charge of your own appliances.

Sometimes this sucks.

Now at this point I’d usually go on to complain more and more about adulthood and all of its accompanying responsibilities and yada, yada, yada…

You’ve heard all of that before and God knows I’ve said that all before — multiple times.

But, I’m not going to do that this time because, ironically, I’m getting too old to complain about being old.

It’s too late. It’s already happened.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m not only reaching milestones, I’m reaching anniversaries of milestones, double-digit anniversaries of milestones.

This is weird.

I never really thought that this would happen.

Logically, I understood that if I kept on living, I’d keep keeping older but I never really stopped to consider myself actually getting older. Being old.

I never really saw myself being any older than 19 — because why would I want to?

In my kid eyes, 19 was the perfect age. You’re an adult, but in my case, only kind of. If you were anything like me, at 19 you were teetering on the edge of adulthood but you still had the security blanket of knowing that Mom and Dad we’re doing the serious business of being adults. They had all of that boring stuff covered.

(Sidenote: If you were lucky enough to have a life like this at 19, thank your parents because you probably didn’t remember to when you were 19. At 19, it’s very possible you were kind of a dick.)

Anyway, eventually, if you’re lucky enough to stop being 19 — or you know, grow up — you get to wade into this adult business yourself.

Your metabolism (which you previously never realized you had) will disappear or at the very least, significantly diminish; you’ll find yourself worrying about appliance guarantees and you’ll be an adult for real — no fooling.

The only problem with this is you might not feel like one.

That’s what I didn’t expect about adulthood — I didn’t expect that I would have no idea what the hell I was doing.

That’s what they should put in those high school graduation speeches. Forget all the idealistic stuff about finding your passion and following your dream. Pinterest motivational memes have that stuff covered.

What high school graduation speakers really need to say, what they need to stand up at the podium and shout is — “Sometimes you will have no idea what you are doing and that’s okay.”

Because, odds are, at some point in your life you’re going to feel like you have no idea what the hell you are doing. And odds are, a bunch of other people feel like that too. They just may not be mentioning it.

Sure, some people know what they’re doing. Some people really have their shit together.

I am not one of those people.

For instance, I never did figure out what was going on with the dryer.

I just bought a new one.

Because, what do I know?

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