I’ve been home a lot lately since I don’t currently have a job.(Let’s not get too hung up on that right now though. That’s not the point of this post.)
Anyway the point is, between not working and working from home, I’ve spent the better part of the past year hanging out at home with just the dog.
Some people, okay, maybe even most people, would find this sort of lifestyle depressing, but honestly, I love it, because the thing is — I’m weird with people.
The beauty of this largely home-bound system is that it allows me to interact almost exclusively with people who already know me and as such, already know I’m a weirdo.
This takes some of the pressure off because I don’t have to pretend to be “with it” or even mostly sane around them. This is a relief because pretending can be really tiring.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can be a fully-functioning, semi-socially-adept adult for awhile, but just for awhile. It’s kind of the same as me running. I can do it, sure, but it’s not going to be pretty and afterwards I’m going to be straight-up exhausted. I will be spent.
To be clear, and also so I sound like less of a dick, I don’t get tired hanging out with my family and friends. I know you. I like you. Let’s not make a big deal out of this, family and friends. We’re good.
But when it comes to formal occasions or any sort of social situation where I may be required to make small talk of any kind, I dread it. That sort of stuff zaps all the energy out of me and I suck at it – much the same way I react to doing any sort of math.
I suck at small talk. I’m so unbelievably bad at it. Ironically, small talk is a huge deal for me, probably, because I make lame jokes like that. That joke was weird and that’s just a little sampling of some of the strange things that I say.
Strangers don’t usually know how to react to stuff like that and I can’t say I blame them.
Frankly, I feel bad for people who have to small talk with me.
I’d like to have a normal conversation with near strangers that doesn’t dissolve into me making not-funny, pun-related jokes; asking odd questions; and just generally being an oddball. That’d be neat.
I’m just not sure I can manage it without completely exhausting myself. That’s why I think I’m an introvert.
But, I also think I’m kind of a dick, because when I think about it, really think about it, I don’t really want to have completely normal, by the book small talk.
Because, let’s all just be honest with ourselves here – that kind of talk is boring. It sucks.
I really hope that other people agree with me on that so I didn’t just come off like a complete dick there. (Again, to reiterate, I’m hoping I’m only kind of a dick.)
Also, heads up, if the word “dick” offends you, sorry but I’m using it like “jerk” and frankly, I just think it just sounds a little funnier than “jerk” so that’s why I picked it instead.
I feel bad if it offends you, but seriously this whole post is about how I’m weird with people and occasionally (or frequently) say inappropriate things, so honestly, you kind of should have expected something like this. In a way, no offense, but this is kind of on you. Sorry, but can we both just be cool about this and pretend this never happened?
I have a hard enough time talking to people already. I can’t deal with this “dick” rather than “jerk” controversy hanging over my head.